Script

Audition Central: Roald Dahl's Matilda The Musical JR.

Script: Mrs. Wormwood

SIDE 1

MR. WORMWOOD

Everyone, gather round; I want my family to share in my triumph.

(to MATILDA)

Not you, boy.

MATILDA

I'm a girl!

(MATILDA hovers, uninvited.)

MR. WORMWOOD

One hundred and fifty-five old bangers on my hands. How could I possibly make the mileage go back? I couldn't very well drive each one backwards could I?

MICHAEL

Backwards.

MR. WORMWOOD

When suddenly I had the most genius idea in the world! I grabbed a drill and, using my incredible mind, I attached the drill to the speedometer of the first car, turned it on and whacked it into reverse.

MICHAEL

Back... wards.

MR. WORMWOOD

Exactly! Within a few minutes I had reduced the mileage to practically nothing.

MICHAEL

Backwards!

MR. WORMWOOD

Ten minutes later the Russians show up. Expensive suits, dark glasses-

MRS. WORMWOOD

Russians are nocturnal; I saw it on a program last night.

MATILDA

That was a program about badgers.

END

 

 

SIDE 2

MR. WORMWOOD

In business, son, a man's hair is his greatest asset. Good hair means a good brain.

(MR. WORMWOOD removes the towel, revealing his hair is now bright green.)

(MRS. WORMWOOD and MATILDA enter.)

MRS. WORMWOOD

Your... hair! It's... It's... green!

(MRS. WORMWOOD holds up a mirror.)

MR. WORMWOOD

My hair's green!

MRS. WORMWOOD

Why on earth did you do that?

MATILDA

Maybe you used some of mummy's peroxide by mistake?

MRS. WORMWOOD

That's exactly what you've done, you stupid man!

MR. WORMWOOD

My hair! My lovely hair?

(sudden thought)

I've got my deal today! The Russians... what am I going to do?

MATILDA

I know what you can do.

MR. WORMWOOD

What?

MATILDA

You could pretend you're an elf.

MR. WORMWOOD

What are you talking about you fool? The boy's a loony.

END

 

SIDE 3

MRS. WORMWOOD

Who is it?

MISS HONEY

Oh, yes, um, hello, my name is Miss Honey. Matilda's teacher?

MRS. WORMWOOD

Bit busy right now...

MISS HONEY

It will only take a moment.

MRS. WORMWOOD

Oh, well, come in if you must.

(inviting MISS HONEY inside)

This is Rudolpho, he's my dance partner. We're rehearsing.

RUDOLPHO

Ciao (chow).

MISS HONEY

Ah, parle Italiano? Bene.

(beat)

What?

RUDOLPHO

(to MRS. WORMWOOD)

Who is this, babe? You know what interruptions do to my energy flow.

MRS. WORMWOOD

What do you want, Miss Chutney?

MISS HONEY

It's Miss Honey. Well, as you know Matilda is in the bottom class and children in the bottom class aren't really expected to read-

MRS. WORMWOOD

Well stop her reading then. Lord knows we've tried.

RUDOLPHO

(dancing)

I'm in the zone, doll. I can feel it in my hips. Don't waste this.

MRS. WORMWOOD

I'm not in favor of girls getting all clever pants, Miss Hussey. Looks are more important than books. Now, look at you, look at me. You chose books, I chose looks. Good day.

END