Script

SIDE

Good morning mates!
(Hook s right-hand man SMEE enters. He is a simple, low-class fellow with a cockney accent and a funny, pronounced lisp  his  s sounds like  th. He is at heart a good soul& and yet Captain Hook is his hero.)

And what s good about it, Mr. Smee?

Here we are collecting barnacles on this miserable island.

We ought to be looting ships!

I ve almost forgotten how to slit a throat!

(under his breath)
I m supposed to meet Jack Sparrow and go marauding

Pish posh! Make the ship shine or it s the lash for lollygagging!
(SMEE hands out mops and rags to get the begrudging PIRATES to clean up. CAPTAIN HOOK enters. He is a deliciously English villain, half tyrant, half common criminal, and three-quarters Shakespearean ham. The PIRATES, genuinely afraid of HOOK, start cleaning the ship and leave SMEE alone. HOOK seems in pain  terrible, psychic pain.)

Oh, Smee! What a rogue and peasant Hook am I! Here I sit, stuck in Never Land, plotting revenge on that diabolic Peter Pan!
(raising his hook)
Curse you, Pan!!!

Feeling poetic, Cap n?

Oh, if I could only find his secret lair, I d capture him and plunge me cutlass deep into his sickly sweet heart. But enough! This must be finished! Smee  bring me my map!